I could barely contain myself when rumblings began to surface earlier this year that Cheryl Cole of Girls Aloud fame was working on her third solo audio album. Skip forward some 3 months or so and all the hype that surrounded the project has come to a screeching halt…

The woman formerly known as Cheryl Cole has delivered another batch of mediocre records that will somehow manage to survive off of one or two hits. This is all really hard for me to take in as I stan for all the girls from Girl’s Aloud, as a whole they have managed to deliver some of the best POP of the last decade. The only girl who truly delivered solo was Nicola but I’m not here to talk about how amazing and completely underrated Cinderella’s Eyes is, so… let’s move on.

Cheryl’s debut solo album 3 Words was a standard collection of Will.i.am cutting room leftovers and while it’s not a masterpiece as a whole, it holds true gems like “Fight For This Love”, “Heaven” and the holy grail of Cheryl singles “Parachute”. Cheryl gave us a couple great songs and crammed a bunch of mediocre records as filler, records that didn’t know who or what they wanted to be. They weren’t horrible but there certainly wasn’t much to return to outside of the 3 or so good songs.

Then enters her solo sophomore attempt Messy Little Raindrops, the lead single “Promise This” was a hit and I was absolutely obsessed with the single “The Flood”, it was a gorgeous moment for Cheryl. However, history has a way of repeating itself and Cheryl Cole once again delivered 3 or 4 good songs and loads of filler. Mediocre filler that you will listen to but nothing you’re going to remember.

Come 2012 and Cheryl teams up with Calvin Harris for the lead single “Call My Name”. I know she’s breaking sales records with the single but for me, I can personally do without. It may have some nice hooks but her voice just doesn’t do anything for the song. I’ve realized that’s the problem with most of her material, between her voice and a sound that doesn’t know what it’s trying to be, Cheryl is lucky to have found continued success in the industry.

The productions on A Million Lights are sending all sorts of mixed signals, sort of like her previous 2 efforts, surprised? The music just doesn’t know if it wants to be hip-hop, smooth-electro, POP or in the case of A Million Lights, the added flavor of dub-step. The majority of it is just so damn bland and forgettable. Luckily she delivers one major track and some other minor moments worth mentioning.

Check out the track by track breakdown below:

A Million Lights

Under The Sun: Shiny yet generic, while it’s brighter than some of the other mediocre stuff it’s still just mediocre. You’ll forget about it soon enough.

Call My Name: Sure she’s breaking sales records but this is soooo flat! I think Rihanna would have given it the life it’s missing.

Craziest Things: Oh, look, it’s Will.I.Am! The lyrical content might strike gold for some but let’s be honest, this echoes the same generic sounds of her 2 previous efforts with added dub-step.

Girl In The Mirror: While I’m not crazy about the production here (aside for the awesome vox voices in the chorus), I’m loving the melodies in the pre-chorus and the chorus. A fair record.

A Million Lights: The album’s highlight in my opinion. It sounds like a Shania Twain song, she even sounds a bit like Shania on it. A soft yet powerful POP-ballad with a minimal yet outstanding production and incredible hooks, LOVE LOVE LOVE it!

Screw You: It sounds like everything else on this album. Nothing about it POPs, people are going to love the message but I don’t think it’s enough.

Love Killer: Another fair moment in the melodic territory, the production is crap but I’m sure an acoustic version of this would be outstanding!

Ghetto Baby: I was excited about this Lana Del Rey leftover and it’s totally out of place on this album but that’s ok. Her delivery isn’t great but it’s ok. It’s all just ok.

Sexy Den A Mutha: We’re picking up steam here, this one has a  hype factor to it that I can’t deny.

Mechanics Of The Heart: Oh, and just like that the steam has gone. I wanted to love this and I tried but it’s a dull ballad at the end of the day. Nothing memorable here.

All Is Fair: I’m trying so hard with this album and at this point I just can’t. SO FORGETTABLE!

Last One Standing: Eeh, it’s alright. I’m truly getting tired now.

Boys Lie: Her voice actually somewhat works here, the power behind it feels genuine yet it’s still watered down dub-step. Sigh…

One Thousand: This one is sexy and intriguing, one of the better records. The chorus falls flat before picking up again so give it a full listen. I like it.

Telescope: I love my ballads but as much as I wanted to love this I couldn’t. It’s not absolute rubbish but it is passable.

A Million Lights final rating: 2/5 Stars

I just wish the music sounded like everything the image above reflects. I want big POP melodies, memorable hooks that shine like laser beams, productions that hit high and low and dare to venture outside typical monotone synth sounds and generic piano riffs. I want a late night neon affair that truly POPs, maybe next time?

Listen to the only reasons I tagged this post under Perfect POP below, my absolute favorite moment on A Million Lights and an old demo! “Puzzle” is the kind of POP she should be doing, I’m including the 2009 demo (excuse the vocals, it’s a DEMO) for your listening pleasure. It’s honestly still better than 90% of A Million Lights, why it never made ANY album is beyond me. The chorus is insanely infectious, it’s a huge track!  Enjoy.

A Million Lights is available now in the UK. If you’re going to pick it up, please do yourself the favor of purchasing the Nicola Roberts album Cinderella’s Eyes.

Update: I corrected the title of her sophomore album. Sorry, 3am writing!

Cheryl Cole – Puzzle

[audio:/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Puzzle.mp3|titles=Cheryl Cole – Puzzle]

Cheryl –  A Million Lights 

[audio:/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/05-A-Million-Lights.mp3|titles=Cheryl – A Million Lights]